I’ve been deployed for 3 months to an undisclosed location in Southwest Asia. I’ve been really dedicated to working out and getting in shape for that semi-annual requirement we all love so much called Fit to Fight. One positive side note that I’ve really noticed since I started working out is that I get a lot more attention from the fellas over here than I do at home. I’m thinking it must be because I’m all in shape and stuff, and I keep hearing about this desert princess stuff and wonder if I might qualify as one because it sounds like a pretty cool thing to be, I used to pretend about being a princess when I was a little girl. I’ve attached a picture for your assessment. Do you think I could be a Desert Princess?
— Anita Mandalay, 37, Intercourse, PA
What a small world, Intercourse, PA is a great little town. I was weaned there and used to pal around with a few of the neighborhood dogs before I signed on to this gig. Come to think of it, you look a lot like one of the kids whose parents used to tie a porkchop around their neck before they went out in the yard to play. I never knew why they did that, but boy were those kids fun to play with, at least until the porkchop disappeared.
To answer your question, yes, I think you could be a desert princess, but I’ve probably got a few more years months deployed before you attain full DP status. If you’re interested, I would like to recommend one activity that I think might benefit you when you return home, it’s called the Tough Mudder.
If you really ramp up your training regimen right now, you could probably be in pretty good shape to participate. Here are the details from one of the humans I fly with from time to time, he’s all ate up about the thing. Not me, I’ll be sitting on the sidelines cheering him on and hoping some nice looking bitch will share a bowl of beer with me. By the way, bitch isn’t a derogatory term when you’re actually referring to a bitch, or a female dog, as I am. I’ve been sniffing around this nice looking little labradoodle back home and I think she’s into me, but how could she not be, really?
The Tough Mudder is scheduled for the 14th and 15th of April, 2012 – which coincides nicely with most UTAs back home on account of Easter being the week prior. The event will be held at the Amherst Quarry west of Cleveland, OH which is one of my favorite places in the world because it smells like most dogs’ asses I’ve ever sniffed.
The course is 12 miles and there will be about 27 obstacles throughout the course, most of which will involve – you guessed it – mud. It’s gonna cost you a little bit of money to sign up, but I’m thinking the camaraderie and life experience would be a bargain at twice the price. If you sign up right now it’s going to be $125 for either day. Since you’re in the military, they’re going to knock 15 bucks off that price, and if you gather up enough of your fellow deployers and sign up as a team, they’ll knock off even more money in the form of a rebate after the race. The amount of the rebate is dependent upon the number of folks you sign up on your team. Let’s say you get 20 more teammates, the good folks at the Tough Mudder will send you a check for 20 bucks after the race. I wouldn’t be complaining too much about the price of admission because a good portion of that money is going to one of my favorite charities, The Wounded Warrior Foundation.
Once you complete the race, there’s gonna be a whole bunch of food, beer and even a live band on the other side of the finish line. I’m a betting dog and I’d lay down good money that you enjoy a good turkey leg or two. I know there will be plenty of them with Anita Mandalay’s name written all over them. I’ll be right there with you, waiting for you to drop some of those tasty morsels to the ground. I might even shake hands with you if you ask real nice and let me take a few laps of beer from your cup.
I hope that answers your question Anita. Try to get a big group together to participate. I heard a rumor that there might even be a 40A in it for some folks since it’s going to take place during UTA. That’s just a rumor and I’d consult your commander before I planned on anything like that. If you have any more questions, you can check out the Tough Mudder website, www.toughmudder.com. Look for the Michigan/Ohio events. If you’d like to sign up, or ask me any more questions about the race, shoot me a message here.
Best of luck to you Anita. I hope to see you out there on the course!